*My Life, My Everything, My Reason For living*
-Being a single mom is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride.-Unknown
WELCOME TO MY LIFE!
I was 22 years back then when my innocent heart was hit by Cupid’s arrow. As a fresh graduate of my Degree in Computer Science I had no stable job at that time. Family problems arises and as a young and immature girl I was not good in handling problems on my own.
My family was so shocked of what I did. Especially my father, he can’t believe and he can’t even accept the fact that I was pregnant. My parents thought that I am that type of daughter that” di makabasag pinggan like Maria Clara”.
One day my daughter’s father went to our house and informed my family of my situation, but as expected my father was not happy with the news through by his emotion.He slapped my face.I was indeed scared that moment and I was thinking my father might kill me.
Since my family can’t accept my situation because they are so disappointed and they felt ashamed of what I did. So my daughter’s father decided to let me live with his family.We live in together but we did not get married for the reason maybe that we are still young or for the reasons that I have no idea at all. His parents never mentioned about wedding.
After my delivery, as a mother my heart hurts when I saw her that she has a club foot. So we went to a private hospital and consult a doctor about it. No one help us with the hospital bill and medicine. The baby need to see the doctor and change the bandage weekly to correct the club foot. Since I can’t afford to pay the hospital bills, we stop going to the doctor.
My baby was just 1 year old when I decided to work abroad so I can save money for her operation. It was the saddest days of my life being far with my baby. I always cry and always miss my baby but I encourage myself and think positive. I always have in mind that I did this for my baby, for our future.
After 3 months working in Taiwan, I was able to earn and save the money intended for my baby’s operation. I am so happy after the successful operation of my baby.
Then my next goal is to let my baby’s father finish an Education course so when I get home we will both work as a teacher. I send him money for school fees, allowance, and other things he need. But that dream of mine disappear like a bubble.
He met someone else in school. He use the money I sent to him for the school fees to apply work far from their place with his girlfriend. He left our baby and live with his girlfriend in the city. It’s the start of betrayal.
My heart broke on that time. I sacrifice myself working abroad just for them. Hatred felt in my heart. I talked to the girl and beg to find another guy who has no child but this is her answer ” So? Anong gagawin mo kung magka anak din kami?” I want to end my life (para akong gaga noh? Buti nalang di ko ginawa yon ). But when you are already so down and hurt your mind thinks bad. Maybe it’s the reason some other people commit suicide but not me because I’m thinking of my baby and I’m afraid of God to do that. I have no right to end my life. At saka masakit yon noh? At mahal ang kabaong hehe!
It was 3am when I received a bad news from the Philippines. My elder sister passed away. No! It’s just a nightmare! I’ve lost my mind, I’ve lost myself.
I came home to see my sister for the last time and to see my baby and my family. I miss them so much. My daughter’s father was there with his family during our mourning.
After 3 weeks I went back to Taiwan to finish my work contract. I thought we are okay already with the father of my daughter. But, when I arrived at the airport in Taiwan someone message me on my roaming number. This is her message ” bago ka bumalik sa ibang bansa daanan mo muna ako dito…dahil my problema ako…dahil buntis ako”. I know it’s from my daughters’ fathers girlfriend. Yes! She’s already about 3 months pregnant. I pray and talk to God though it’s hard to accept that my daughter will have a broken family. I make myself busy with work and church activities. Sometimes I think life is so unfair but God has a reason for everything.
After my contract I’m back home and take care of my baby. Life is so hard for me here in the Philippines. I don’t know how to get back up again. What I’m always praying to God is to teach my heart how to forgive people who hurt me and let go of the hatred in my heart.
It takes many years before my heart was totally healed. After working abroad I decided to stay home for my daughter. I took up Education Units for 1 year at the same time working part time job as a real estate sales person, recruitment staff for Singapore and online shoppe. With God’s grace and mercy I passed the Licensure Exam for Teachers ( Secondary major in Technology Livelihood Education). Then I started working as a kindergarten teacher.
How I manage my life being a working mother and a single mom. The challenges I face from self doubt and anxiety over money to the stress of making decisions alone.Sending my daughter to school,preparing my lessons and myself for work,making food,and helping my daughter in her school work.
Only me and my daughter at home. It’s not easy especially if my daughter get sick. When she got high fever I can’t sleep and can’t go to my work. I take a deep breath, I cry..then get up and be the best mother that I know how to be. I’ve learned to trust that things are all going to work. Being forced to have this responsibility has made me a better person. I have found confidence and independence. Though there are nights that my eyes are swelling with tears but I didn’t want my daughter to see those moments of weaknesses. I am not alone, God is always with me. He hears the cries of my heart.
To all single moms out there, don’t give up! Let’s make our children our inspiration in life. We are not alone in raising our children, God is there to guide us and help them go into the right path of life.
God bless us all!
Matthew 11:28 ” Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest”